Jack: We’ll trick those race car loving wide-loads into watching your lefty homoerotic propaganda hour yet!
Liz: You just don’t like anybody, do you?
Tracy: Hello fellow human being. Would you like to ask me what time it is?
Are you a large child or a small adult?
You look regular. Could I guess your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Carigford? Is it Swimming?
Are you a preop-transcentaur?
Excuse me, do you have change for a $10,000 bill?
I would like some chicken nuggets, a beer and some of my wife’s rice to stay.
Excuse me sir, you want to hold hands with a black millionaire?
Does anyone want to be my friend? I’m normal!
Liz: Jack is hiring a new cast member.
Jenna: IF IT IS A BLONDE WOMAN, I WILL KILL MYSELF!
Jenna: [Picketing] Jenna Maroney is great! No new cast members!
Tracy: A new what?! IF IT’S A BLONDE WOMAN, I WILL KILL MYSELF!
4.02 Into the Crevasse
Tracy: A book hasn’t caused me this much trouble since Where’s Waldo went to that barber pole factory.
Jenna: You might not know this because you’ve never played a moon scientist, but werewolves only come out at night.
Liz: Yes, I remember that from the Thriller video.
Tracy: Too soon.
Jack: Since I have neither the time nor the energy to even pretend that your situation is a real problem, I will cut the baby in half.
Tracy: And I will take the top half, for that’s the part with the face.
4.03 Stone Mountain
Kenneth: I wasn’t sure if you’re participating in this year’s pumpkin carving contests, or if like last year I should ‘go jump up my own ass.’
Jack: Same as last year.
Jenna: So this all started when their plane crashed?
Toofer: No that’s Lost.
Jenna: Oh right. You know, I met JJ Abrams once. I don’t know what this means, but he said the island is just Hurley’s dream.
Jenna: I want two good sketches a week, a promise to hate the new cast member, and no more making fun of me when I use dated cultural references. Ok? Are we Cowabunga on this?
Frank: We’re Cowabunga.
4.04 Audition Day
Jenna: You’re setting him up to get it. You don’t think I know that trick? You don’t think I’ve been brought in on a million auditions just to make Kim Cattrall seem human and grounded?
Liz: My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
Jack: I had never been to an audition before. It was upsetting, grotesque carnival of human misery.
Liz: To be fair I did not think Kathy Geiss was going to finish her song by taking off her underpants.
4.05 The Problem Solvers
Cerie: Oh no is that the new guy?
Lutz: What? No it’s me, Lutz. I have worked here for 3 years. I gave you that car I won.
Liz: Do I look OK?
Cerie: That’s exactly how you look.
Tracy: Do you have a problem?
Jenna & Tracy: Then call The Problem… solvers..
Tracy: Taxes got you down? Wasps in your crawl space?
Jenna: Term paper blues? Migrating implants?
Jenna & Tracy: Call The Problem Solvers!
Tracy: Cause after all, what’s a problem but an opportunity disguised as a stripper having a seizure on your boat? Mouse in your House?
Jenna: Or need a cheap flight to Tucson?
Jenna & Tracy: We are the Problem…Solvers.
4.06 Sun Tea
Lutz: What? No it’s me, Lutz. I have worked here for 3 years. I gave you that car I won.
Liz: Do I look OK?
Cerie: That’s exactly how you look.
Tracy: Do you have a problem?
Jenna & Tracy: Then call The Problem… solvers..
Tracy: Taxes got you down? Wasps in your crawl space?
Jenna: Term paper blues? Migrating implants?
Jenna & Tracy: Call The Problem Solvers!
Tracy: Cause after all, what’s a problem but an opportunity disguised as a stripper having a seizure on your boat? Mouse in your House?
Jenna: Or need a cheap flight to Tucson?
Jenna & Tracy: We are the Problem…Solvers.
4.06 Sun Tea
Jenna: Remember that horrible roommate you had in Chicago?
Liz: You mean you?
[Flashback]
Jenna: [Screaming] I know it’s my turn to do the dishes. But I’m in character, and if you make me do the dishes, I will kill myself!
Tracy: The Cosby Show lied to me.
Dr. Spaceman: I don’t think there’s a box for that on the form. What about “Cheers lied to me?”
Dr. Spaceman: If a patients friend runs into the operating room and yells at you, you have to stop. It’s the doctors’ code.
4.07 Dealbreakers Talk Show
Liz: You mean you?
[Flashback]
Jenna: [Screaming] I know it’s my turn to do the dishes. But I’m in character, and if you make me do the dishes, I will kill myself!
Tracy: The Cosby Show lied to me.
Dr. Spaceman: I don’t think there’s a box for that on the form. What about “Cheers lied to me?”
Dr. Spaceman: If a patients friend runs into the operating room and yells at you, you have to stop. It’s the doctors’ code.
4.07 Dealbreakers Talk Show
Salesman: That belongs to Phillip Michael Thomas. The actor who played Tubs on Miami Vice.
Tracy: Sure, I know him from the secret black people meetings. Nah! I’m just kidding. He’s not invited.
Liz: I’m going to be on TV this week.
Dr. Spaceman: Really? I think you mean radio.
Pete: Ok here we go! One more! This is the one. And action! Great. And smile. With your mouth. And raise the roof. Look boy, you can do it. Good!… Oh my god. Break it down, break it down. Oh yeah yeah, sassy. Sass it up. Wave to a friend. No wave like a human being. Do you remember waving? And blow a kiss. No, with your hands! And uh, a little cleavage. Nope! Just have fun. Are you spinning a basketball?
4.08 Secret Santa
Tracy: Sure, I know him from the secret black people meetings. Nah! I’m just kidding. He’s not invited.
Liz: I’m going to be on TV this week.
Dr. Spaceman: Really? I think you mean radio.
Pete: Ok here we go! One more! This is the one. And action! Great. And smile. With your mouth. And raise the roof. Look boy, you can do it. Good!… Oh my god. Break it down, break it down. Oh yeah yeah, sassy. Sass it up. Wave to a friend. No wave like a human being. Do you remember waving? And blow a kiss. No, with your hands! And uh, a little cleavage. Nope! Just have fun. Are you spinning a basketball?
4.08 Secret Santa
Jack: I’ve been finger tagged, Lemon.
Liz: Was it down by the subway entrance, because I saw a gangly looking kid down there.
Liz: Yeah I did plays in high school too. I was John Proctor in the Crucible.
Nancy: You went to an all girls school?
Liz: No.
Pete: Why didn’t you tell me you could sing like that?
Danny: I didn’t think it was important.
Pete: Wasn’t important!? I had Tracy playing Josh Groban last week.
Jack: Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never left your hometown?
Liz: Of course. Have you not read my terrible short story “The Two Paths of Virginia Apple”?
4.09 Klaus and Greta
Liz: Was it down by the subway entrance, because I saw a gangly looking kid down there.
Liz: Yeah I did plays in high school too. I was John Proctor in the Crucible.
Nancy: You went to an all girls school?
Liz: No.
Pete: Why didn’t you tell me you could sing like that?
Danny: I didn’t think it was important.
Pete: Wasn’t important!? I had Tracy playing Josh Groban last week.
Jack: Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never left your hometown?
Liz: Of course. Have you not read my terrible short story “The Two Paths of Virginia Apple”?
4.09 Klaus and Greta
Tracy: Finally! Over the break I forgot which floor I worked on.
Liz: 6, Tracy.
Tracy: 6! I knew it was a character from Blossom, but I couldn’t find the Joey Russo button.
Jack: I’ve Lemoned the situation with Nancy! I’ve got to erase that message!
Liz: “Lemoned?” That’s not a thing people are saying now? Is it?! Cerie?! Lemoned…doing it awesome.
Randy: Do you know how hard it was growing up gay in Menthenburg Pennsylvania? The local TV station edited “Will & Grace” down so much it was just called “Karen.”
4.10 Black Light Attack
Liz: 6, Tracy.
Tracy: 6! I knew it was a character from Blossom, but I couldn’t find the Joey Russo button.
Jack: I’ve Lemoned the situation with Nancy! I’ve got to erase that message!
Liz: “Lemoned?” That’s not a thing people are saying now? Is it?! Cerie?! Lemoned…doing it awesome.
Randy: Do you know how hard it was growing up gay in Menthenburg Pennsylvania? The local TV station edited “Will & Grace” down so much it was just called “Karen.”
4.10 Black Light Attack
Jenna: In the scene they gave me I’m fighting with my mother, a washed up actress who’s clinging on to her last scraps of faded glamor.
Pete: It’s interesting they highlighted the mother’s lines.
Jenna: That’s so I know what part not to read. As if the word “mother” didn’t tip me off already.
Kenneth: A whole new part of your heart has opened up.
Tracy: Thank god! Cause the doctors keep telling me it’s pretty clogged.
Frank: I also downloaded a low frequency tone that can only be heard by people over 40.
Jenna: [Yelling] Have you started playing it yet?!
Jack: [Yelling] Lemon, can I speak with you for a moment?
Kenneth: [Yelling] What is happening to me?!
Actress: Oh mother I can’t believe you’re dying of old age.
Jenna: Don’t cry for me Tartine. I’ve had a full life. Oh the things I’ve seen. The first Clinton administration. The Nagano Olympics. Microsoft Windows 95. But I’m 41 now. Time… to die.
4.11 Winter Madness
Pete: It’s interesting they highlighted the mother’s lines.
Jenna: That’s so I know what part not to read. As if the word “mother” didn’t tip me off already.
Kenneth: A whole new part of your heart has opened up.
Tracy: Thank god! Cause the doctors keep telling me it’s pretty clogged.
Frank: I also downloaded a low frequency tone that can only be heard by people over 40.
Jenna: [Yelling] Have you started playing it yet?!
Jack: [Yelling] Lemon, can I speak with you for a moment?
Kenneth: [Yelling] What is happening to me?!
Actress: Oh mother I can’t believe you’re dying of old age.
Jenna: Don’t cry for me Tartine. I’ve had a full life. Oh the things I’ve seen. The first Clinton administration. The Nagano Olympics. Microsoft Windows 95. But I’m 41 now. Time… to die.
4.11 Winter Madness
Liz: I can sell this to Jack.
[Cut to Jack’s office]
Liz: Cross promotional. Deal mechanics. Revenue streams. Jargon. Synergy.
Jack: That’s the best presentation I’ve ever seen.
Jack: How’s the show looking for Friday?
Liz: Like it may not happen, actually.
Jack: Well that will disappoint your key demographic of drunken 11 year olds.
Tracy: Sure find a scapegoat! Like John Handcock did with the good King George.
Kenneth: I am Silas Merrymount Peppercorn, and this is my first wife, Moronica.
Cerie: It’s nice to meet you. I’m British.
Kenneth: My wife and I have disparate levels of attractiveness because I am a successful inventor.
4.12 Verna
[Cut to Jack’s office]
Liz: Cross promotional. Deal mechanics. Revenue streams. Jargon. Synergy.
Jack: That’s the best presentation I’ve ever seen.
Jack: How’s the show looking for Friday?
Liz: Like it may not happen, actually.
Jack: Well that will disappoint your key demographic of drunken 11 year olds.
Tracy: Sure find a scapegoat! Like John Handcock did with the good King George.
Kenneth: I am Silas Merrymount Peppercorn, and this is my first wife, Moronica.
Cerie: It’s nice to meet you. I’m British.
Kenneth: My wife and I have disparate levels of attractiveness because I am a successful inventor.
4.12 Verna
Jenna: I’m sure she’s down there. Sitting on a curb, chain smoking and waiting for me to come out; just like the day I was born.
Frank: I left my Sith Lord cloak to close to near my mom’s shrine to Italian Jesus. And the candle started a fire.
Lutz: Were the firemen strong? Were any of them the ones from the calendar?
Verna: It’s at a fancy restaurant so wear something nice. Like a pair of white jeans and a Dan Marino jersey.
Kenneth: I’ve got an idea for a show called “Doctor” about Richard Doctor who’s a piano player.Do you remember that show “Jennifer Slept Here”?Anne Gillian plays a ghost of a Hollywood starlet who helps teenagers. With what? I don’t know!Some of those people on Match Game, were drunk, with power. Did you know the Today show used to have a monkey on it? Hasn’t been as good since. I think that chimp used to drive itself on you know what and the Bear.
4.13 Anna Howard Shaw Day
Frank: I left my Sith Lord cloak to close to near my mom’s shrine to Italian Jesus. And the candle started a fire.
Lutz: Were the firemen strong? Were any of them the ones from the calendar?
Verna: It’s at a fancy restaurant so wear something nice. Like a pair of white jeans and a Dan Marino jersey.
Kenneth: I’ve got an idea for a show called “Doctor” about Richard Doctor who’s a piano player.Do you remember that show “Jennifer Slept Here”?Anne Gillian plays a ghost of a Hollywood starlet who helps teenagers. With what? I don’t know!Some of those people on Match Game, were drunk, with power. Did you know the Today show used to have a monkey on it? Hasn’t been as good since. I think that chimp used to drive itself on you know what and the Bear.
4.13 Anna Howard Shaw Day
Liz: Learn from my sexual mis-adventures, Evelyn. Last Valentine’s Day I watched my boyfriend, Drew’s mother slash grandmother die. I met Floyd on Valentine’s Day but he left me for the city of Cleveland. And forget about Dennis. That pervert would always just try to get me drunk.
Liz: I scheduled a root canal for February 14th, Jack. I will spend half the day in twilight sleep and then I will go home and watch the Original Lifetime movie “My Stepson is my Cyber Husband.”
Jack: Wow that is inspired. You are truly the Picasso of loneliness.
Liz: Or, I am that painting elephant of being awesome.
Liz: Happy Valentine’s Day, no one!
4.14 Future Husband
Liz: I scheduled a root canal for February 14th, Jack. I will spend half the day in twilight sleep and then I will go home and watch the Original Lifetime movie “My Stepson is my Cyber Husband.”
Jack: Wow that is inspired. You are truly the Picasso of loneliness.
Liz: Or, I am that painting elephant of being awesome.
Liz: Happy Valentine’s Day, no one!
4.14 Future Husband
Liz: While you were watching me after my oral surgery, did I put a toaster waffle into my DVD player?
Jack: You did. You watched it for about an hour, said Nicole Kidman should get an Oscar for it, and then turned it off.
Kenneth: That’s so romantic. Just like that movie I only saw the first ten minutes of, Fatal Attraction.
Liz: [Jamaican accent] This is nurse Jamacia, from Dr. Kaplan’s office. So here’s da ting. You need to come in today so the doctor can check dem teeth, mon.
Wesley: Oh is there something wrong? My check up isn’t for another week.
Liz: He things that tooth might have some bad mojo in it, ya see. Might you be available to come in around 1:30 me lad?
Kenneth: You’re going Irish!
Wesley: Ok, 1:30’s fine.
Liz: Cool Runnings mon! Bobsled.
Jenna: Acting is about consistency and control.
Tracy: Got it. No farting.
Jenna: Repeat after me.
Tracy: After me.
Jenna: No, Tracy.
Tracy: No Tracy.
Jenna: No stop it. Not this part.
Tracy: No stop it. Uh. We got to start over. I farted.
4.15 Don Geiss, America and Hope
Jack: You did. You watched it for about an hour, said Nicole Kidman should get an Oscar for it, and then turned it off.
Kenneth: That’s so romantic. Just like that movie I only saw the first ten minutes of, Fatal Attraction.
Liz: [Jamaican accent] This is nurse Jamacia, from Dr. Kaplan’s office. So here’s da ting. You need to come in today so the doctor can check dem teeth, mon.
Wesley: Oh is there something wrong? My check up isn’t for another week.
Liz: He things that tooth might have some bad mojo in it, ya see. Might you be available to come in around 1:30 me lad?
Kenneth: You’re going Irish!
Wesley: Ok, 1:30’s fine.
Liz: Cool Runnings mon! Bobsled.
Jenna: Acting is about consistency and control.
Tracy: Got it. No farting.
Jenna: Repeat after me.
Tracy: After me.
Jenna: No, Tracy.
Tracy: No Tracy.
Jenna: No stop it. Not this part.
Tracy: No stop it. Uh. We got to start over. I farted.
4.15 Don Geiss, America and Hope
Jack: For those wishing to pay their respects there will be an Episcopal cryogenic freezing service open to all Six Sigma black belts and higher.
Tracy: That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard; Episcopal.
Kenneth: Look at all these books, sir. It’s like I’m back at school learning about the dangers of book reading.
Jenna: I got a lot of flack after I ate the pig that played Babe.
Tracy: One day, you will have what I have because you are an amazing, strong, intelligent woman, like Hillary… from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
4.16 Floyd
Tracy: That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard; Episcopal.
Kenneth: Look at all these books, sir. It’s like I’m back at school learning about the dangers of book reading.
Jenna: I got a lot of flack after I ate the pig that played Babe.
Tracy: One day, you will have what I have because you are an amazing, strong, intelligent woman, like Hillary… from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
4.16 Floyd
Danny: I never said that Liz banged her way to the middle. Or that Jenna kidnapped a Swedish au pair to use as a hair farm. And I never called Tracy clean and articulate. Why would I? He’s not!
Kenneth: So if my grandfather hadn’t gotten on the wrong train that day, he never would have met his wife’s…murderer.
Kenneth: To get there you start on Old Barn Road. Then you take the first left. Then the next left. Then the next left. And then another left. That’ll take you around the quarry. Which is real pretty. I just wanted you to see it. That’ll put you back on Old Barn Road.
Jenna: My dreams are getting worse. This one was so graphic! Kenneth and I were married and living in Indianapolis! We had kids!
Tracy: What kind of sick mind dreams that?!
Jenna: It was disgusting!
4.17 Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter
Kenneth: So if my grandfather hadn’t gotten on the wrong train that day, he never would have met his wife’s…murderer.
Kenneth: To get there you start on Old Barn Road. Then you take the first left. Then the next left. Then the next left. And then another left. That’ll take you around the quarry. Which is real pretty. I just wanted you to see it. That’ll put you back on Old Barn Road.
Jenna: My dreams are getting worse. This one was so graphic! Kenneth and I were married and living in Indianapolis! We had kids!
Tracy: What kind of sick mind dreams that?!
Jenna: It was disgusting!
4.17 Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter
Jack: As my good friend and fox hunting partner, Mary J Bilge would say “No More Drama.”
Liz: I’m sorry are we expecting more men.
Jerem: I’m Jerem! I collect posters.
Jenna: Look at me Jerem. I know all the steps.
Jerem: Kind of.
Liz: The older you get the more distinguished you are. Meanwhile I’m reading a book called “Hiding your Arms, Hiding your Anger: Dating Over 35.”
Jenna: There are little blonde girls in this country that have no idea they can be beautiful. That’s why I started Jenna’s Kids. It’s a summer camp that teaches pretty blonde girls how to be mean. [Claps]
4.18 Khonani
Liz: I’m sorry are we expecting more men.
Jerem: I’m Jerem! I collect posters.
Jenna: Look at me Jerem. I know all the steps.
Jerem: Kind of.
Liz: The older you get the more distinguished you are. Meanwhile I’m reading a book called “Hiding your Arms, Hiding your Anger: Dating Over 35.”
Jenna: There are little blonde girls in this country that have no idea they can be beautiful. That’s why I started Jenna’s Kids. It’s a summer camp that teaches pretty blonde girls how to be mean. [Claps]
4.18 Khonani
Jack: Oh my. I haven’t seen your brow that furrow since you saw that picture of Helen Mirren in a bikini.
Liz: How is it possible? Is she a wizard?!
Jack: Bosses need to keep their distance from their subordinates.
Kenneth: Mr. Donaghy, I have to run out to Mr. Jordan’s house. I’ll call you when you get there so you know I’m safe.
Jack: No! I don’t care if you’re safe.
Kenneth: I love you!
Kenneth: Don’t you remember your wedding vows?
Tracy: To be honest, I couldn’t really understand anything Rick James was saying.
Tracy: Parties are like frisbees. If you throw them the wrong way, they’ll veer off in a bad direction then your kid will fall into a quarry.
4.19 Argus
Liz: How is it possible? Is she a wizard?!
Jack: Bosses need to keep their distance from their subordinates.
Kenneth: Mr. Donaghy, I have to run out to Mr. Jordan’s house. I’ll call you when you get there so you know I’m safe.
Jack: No! I don’t care if you’re safe.
Kenneth: I love you!
Kenneth: Don’t you remember your wedding vows?
Tracy: To be honest, I couldn’t really understand anything Rick James was saying.
Tracy: Parties are like frisbees. If you throw them the wrong way, they’ll veer off in a bad direction then your kid will fall into a quarry.
4.19 Argus
Jenna: We’re not putting any labels on it yet, because the glue is abrasive. But I’m really happy.
Kenneth: [Sniffs] He’s recently taken a mate.
Jack: Lemon.
Kenneth: Good luck, Argus.
Jenna: How do you think we met? Paul won a Jenna Maroney impersonation contest, at which I came in 4th.
Liz: And now you’re dating him?
Jenna: That’s it. Right there. That face. That is exactly what I didn’t tell you about Paul in the first place. You’re judgmental badger face.
4.20 The Moms
Kenneth: [Sniffs] He’s recently taken a mate.
Jack: Lemon.
Kenneth: Good luck, Argus.
Jenna: How do you think we met? Paul won a Jenna Maroney impersonation contest, at which I came in 4th.
Liz: And now you’re dating him?
Jenna: That’s it. Right there. That face. That is exactly what I didn’t tell you about Paul in the first place. You’re judgmental badger face.
4.20 The Moms
Pete: We haven’t been able to find your mom Tracy.
Tracy: I gave Kenneth the info.
Pete: Her name might be Sheryl and she was wearing a shirt in 1984.
Colleen: That’s what feminism does. It makes nice girls with nice birthing shapes believe in fairy tales. Stop waiting for your prince, Liz.
Liz: I’m not waiting for a prince. I’m waiting for Astronaut Mike Dexter.
Moms: Oh sweet lord in heaven.
Liz: Who turns out to be the secret king of Monaco.
Margret: Just thought I’d tidy up.
Liz: That’s my computer!
Margret: Oh no honey, a computer is a great big thing with a green screen.
Kenneth: I did not loose her sir, Karl would never let you down. Karl that doesn’t sound right. Kevin, no. Who am I? Is it Keith? No? Yes I’m Keith!
4.21 Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaurland
Tracy: I gave Kenneth the info.
Pete: Her name might be Sheryl and she was wearing a shirt in 1984.
Colleen: That’s what feminism does. It makes nice girls with nice birthing shapes believe in fairy tales. Stop waiting for your prince, Liz.
Liz: I’m not waiting for a prince. I’m waiting for Astronaut Mike Dexter.
Moms: Oh sweet lord in heaven.
Liz: Who turns out to be the secret king of Monaco.
Margret: Just thought I’d tidy up.
Liz: That’s my computer!
Margret: Oh no honey, a computer is a great big thing with a green screen.
Kenneth: I did not loose her sir, Karl would never let you down. Karl that doesn’t sound right. Kevin, no. Who am I? Is it Keith? No? Yes I’m Keith!
4.21 Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaurland
Drew: Liz Lemon. I was just thinking about you the other day.
Liz: Really?
Drew: Yeah I saw this gorgeous woman… putting glasses on her daughters Mrs. Potato’s head.
Kenneth: It’s real Oscar bait sir. You say things like “You don’t know my pain!” and “You watch your mouth, Tyrice!” And in a less dramatic scene, I’ll have hashbrowns.
Liz: Who cares? So I go to Floyd’s wedding alone. Maybe I’ll just lean into it and bring a cat in a baby stroller.
Wesley: I don’t want to go back to England. I can’t suffer through the London Olympics. We’re not prepared, Liz. Did you see the Beijing opening ceremonies? We don’t have control over our people like that.
Tracy: I’ve seen a blind guy bite a police horse. A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom. I once bit into a marino and there was a child’s shoe in it. I’ve seen a hooker eat a tire. A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s. The sewer people stole my skateboard. The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor, generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time. I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo. They were very drunk!
4.22 I Do Do
Liz: Really?
Drew: Yeah I saw this gorgeous woman… putting glasses on her daughters Mrs. Potato’s head.
Kenneth: It’s real Oscar bait sir. You say things like “You don’t know my pain!” and “You watch your mouth, Tyrice!” And in a less dramatic scene, I’ll have hashbrowns.
Liz: Who cares? So I go to Floyd’s wedding alone. Maybe I’ll just lean into it and bring a cat in a baby stroller.
Wesley: I don’t want to go back to England. I can’t suffer through the London Olympics. We’re not prepared, Liz. Did you see the Beijing opening ceremonies? We don’t have control over our people like that.
Tracy: I’ve seen a blind guy bite a police horse. A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom. I once bit into a marino and there was a child’s shoe in it. I’ve seen a hooker eat a tire. A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s. The sewer people stole my skateboard. The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor, generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time. I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo. They were very drunk!
4.22 I Do Do
Jenna: Maybe I’m old fashioned. But when a girl dates a straight man who impersonates her on stage for mostly gay audiences, she has certain expectations. Fidelity, Paul. It’s not just the name of a bank that sued me.
Liz: Now I know you can’t force your fate. You just have to let it wash over you like a spray tan that won’t take because your skin is too oily.
Kenneth: I was just trying to do bad job so I wouldn’t have to go to Los Angeles. Everyone there smiles creepily all the time and that’s sort of my thing.
Kenneth: So kiss my face! I'll see you all in heaven!
Liz: Now I know you can’t force your fate. You just have to let it wash over you like a spray tan that won’t take because your skin is too oily.
Kenneth: I was just trying to do bad job so I wouldn’t have to go to Los Angeles. Everyone there smiles creepily all the time and that’s sort of my thing.
Kenneth: So kiss my face! I'll see you all in heaven!
